but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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