Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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