My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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