very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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