Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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