She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
