That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
