I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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