a queef is a wish your heart makes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
