I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
