And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
