the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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