i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
