he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
