i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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