its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
