I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
