morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
