You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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