Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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