How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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