Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
