On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
