Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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