what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
