and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
