I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
