google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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