you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
