the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
