I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
