there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you. Go after that dick
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
