Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
