"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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