I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
