You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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