i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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