I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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