Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
