2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
