sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
