my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have fence marks all over my body
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
