i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
operation have a gay friend backfired
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
