I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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