last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
