I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
