Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
