My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
