covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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