swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Even my vagina gasped.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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