dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
