Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
