Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
its not stalking. its research.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
