omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
