I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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