the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
