Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Houston, we have a squirter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
