I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
