you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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