I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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