you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
