things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
