I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love having hate sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
