I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize