I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
