butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
