Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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