why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how do flat chested girls get laid?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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