I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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