You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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