So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
