my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
