he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize